So, there’s this super flu that’s going around and has been since the fall. I’ve been ducking and dodging. Then I ended up getting sick. So, I’ve had COVID and I’ve had the flu and this kinda just feels like a bad cold. But anyway, your girl is sick. But I’m a struggling adult at the time where being an adult is the most expensive, so guess who’s had to go to work, still? This girl. This was my first week of training my newest clients, hosting the first two classes of the year at The Wellness Spot, where I, ironically, teach a strength class (I’ll dive into the irony of that later) and orientation and my first official class at Roundhouse Kickboxing. So, guess who had to suck it up, put on a mask and go be great? Again, you guessed it, THIS GIRL! And in all of that, everything made me think of my daddy.

So, the first month of the year is the reset (plus rest, if you’re allowed) but for me and my faith, that means the Daniel Fast. It’s a time for clearing out my system and creating space for God. In that, I’ve been eating on a very limited scale. IE, fruits, veggies and some grains (mainly brown rice). So here’s the first place that reminds me of my daddy. When we lived together in Augusta, I was following a pretty strict routine when it came to the food I ate. I was training with a personal trainer and my eyes were set on a particular physique. So I would meal prep. When I meal prepped, I would prepare him some food to eat, as well. So the other night, I got some broccoli. My daddy liked broccoli, but only if it was very soft. I remember one of the times I made some for my prep and left him some. He ate through it while I was at work and when I came home, I asked him how he liked it. He said, “The flavor was good, but it was too hard” I’m thinking, broccoli don’t need to be all wilted, that means all the nutrients are cooked out, but here’s the thing, my daddy ain’t have no teeth, so he needed his broccoli soft. lol I kept that in mind for the next time I cooked some. I steamed a big pot, mine out when it was good and green and left his in there for a little bit longer so it could get soft. He loved it. lol

Then the other thing that has actually PAINFULLY reminded me of him. So when you’re sick, you know it’s hard to breath. Through your nose and sometimes even in general if you have phlegm in your throat. When I was having trouble breathing and getting frustrated, I thought about him. See, with me, I can just take some meds and it’ll dry the phlegm up and clear the congestion, but for my dad that wasn’t possible. When my daddy was hospitalized, I found him WEEZING for air. He could barely breathe and once tests and xrays were run, we discovered that he had a massive mass on his lungs that was majorly blocking his airway and he had been having issues breathing for the past at least 4 months and had NEVER made mention of it to me, until I discovered it. Knowing that my daddy was literally suffering in silence has made me really check myself when it comes to complaining about being sick. Although my “suffering” is valid, my guy suffered until 2 weeks before he passed because he didn’t want to inconvenience anyone. Like, bro.

It’s so interesting, grief. I know that a few months ago, had I been sick and thinking of these things, I’d probably be in shambles, but now, I just reflect. I think about how important it is to not suffer in silence. I also think about how he was so selfless that he didn’t even want his pain to interfere with my happiness. What my daddy did for me, in our last few months of life reminds me of the sacrifice that Jesus made when He died on that cross. Although he did not die for my sins, he did so that I could truly LIVE. He did not tell me his pain, because he did not want to stop me from chasing my dreams. He wanted to see me soar and be the best Brittaney that I could be, despite our situation.

My daddy hated what it is to be a hero. He felt there was so much vanity in that word, but I’m sorry Daddy, I gotta say it, you are mine. You are my hero. What a humble and meek life you lived, but what a lasting a bold impression you made on me.

I love you and I miss you every single day.

Love,
Your Boo Bear

I’ve debated beginning to share my thoughts in words again. Back in middle and high school, I used to share all the time. Especially in the days of Tumblr. where only a few people that knew me in real life could read it. Even though I am kind of an influencer and I share parts of my life where you can actually see, I’ve been nervous about opening back up through words, because words are ripe. I feel so vulnerable in this space. With video and picture, you only see what I present and the same is true with words, but I’d almost feel like I was cheating a bit if I didn’t share my full thought when allowing them to flow through my finger tips. So…here goes. Idk how long I’ll keep this up or even if I’ll share the link for people to read, but I’m about to let it go.

In this space, I want to talk about love. And to really think about it, that’s why I’ve been most hesitant about sharing my thoughts. Many times when women speak about love while single, it can come across as “thirsty” or is that me just projecting? Hm…But either way, I’m ripping the bandaid off and speaking loudly and clearly about it. It’s twofold. Firstly, I’m single, 35, with no kids. Secondly I’m single and Christian. Whew! So let’s get into it.

I’ve been single since 2022. I left my longtime girlfriend after many years of chasing the feeling that I thought I’d get from her. It wasn’t until 2025, 3 and a half years into my single season, that I discovered that although I have been single and seemingly healed, there were some really deep wounds that needed to be healed before God gave me the clearance to even be open to another relationship (which I’ll add, will be a marriage…we’ll get into that shortly). I fasted to hear clearer from God about my ministry and what I received from God was much deeper than the answers I was searching for.

1. I had some DEEP mother wounds that I had to heal from.

2. I was operating from a place of ego. Although subconscious, still very much ego.

3. I am definitely supposed to be in ministry, but just not your typical ministry.

4. I can finally be soft.

Let’s get into the mother wounds. So, a lot has happened this year. One of the major shifts in my life was the earthquake that happened in my mom and I’s relationship. Without going into too many details, our connection had been rocky since around the time that I had been single (I’m currently having a revelation in real time) and this year it got tossed around even more causing a huge breach. I said some things that were true, but could’ve been delivered differently or even not at all. The Holy Spirit convicted me and prompted me to call and apologize, even though I’d already apologized before. This time, the apology was from a place of release and growth. I took myself out of my own shoes and placed my feet into hers. I wanted her to know that I saw her as not just my mother but as a woman and I FEEL her. She is rarely SEEN by anyone, so it was important that I let her know that she was seen and felt by me. And prayerfully that helped a part of her that hasn’t been touched either in a while or ever.

The mother wound discovery led me to opening up my ego. I stated earlier that although there was truth in what I said, I could’ve just not said it at all. Ego says, “because I’m right, I’ll let it be known that I’m right and I don’t care who feels a type of way about it.” Humility and Christianity says be humble and compassionate in your delivery. Over my entire life, I have been functioning from a place of “I’ll help you, but you can only help me a little bit” And I think that is not just me, it’s black women in general. We have to be strong and do it on our own, so we adapt a life that forces us to live in that space. As a Christian, it’s detrimental, because we subconsciously tell God the same thing. “Yeah God, thanks for doing that, but I’ll carry and handle the rest” and that’s what He revealed to me during the fast. It yanked me up so bad that I had to surrender it to Him IMMEDIATELY because I’m not about to be our here disrespecting the King with my “help”. And the crazy thing is, I have a 30 day prayer journal called “God Don’t Need No Help” and here I was trying to help. Girl, sit down!

Both of these discoveries helped me to hear that God needed to reveal those to me so that I could ultimately be functional in ministry. Even if I was called to minister and to disciple, ego and mother/childhood wounds wouldn’t allow me to walk into the fullness of what it is God has assigned to me. They had to be fully revealed and surrendered and then I’d be able to walk into ministry. And also, He revealed that these are the people that I’d be ministering to. My testimony would help those who are fighting similar fights and it is my responsibility to help them to be seen, freed and delivered so that they can experience God’s grace in the way that I have. Hallelujah!

Now, let’s talk about walking into softness. Now, we’re not speaking of soft life, as in the viral moment, but soft as in God is the burden bearer, so this is my chance to give Him my things. But also, now, it’s my opportunity to live in peace. I’ve been fighting my whole life to experience what God has for me. And although I’ve experienced bits and pieces, I’ve struggled with walking into the fullness because there were some things that were in the way…SELF being the main one. But honestly, I wouldn’t have known, had I not had the year that I’ve had.

The fast was a moment to break through the former things and to begin my walk into what God has for me. Success, in God’s eyes, love and prosperity.

In this next one, we’ll dive deep into the love thing. I have a lot to say, so I need to get my thoughts together before I start airing it all out!

Love yall
- Brittaney